Post 8 (A million Questions and no Answers)

"Don't push me away."
He says, but earlier tells me I'm too clingy.
How do you cope with a guy, that sends you mixed signals constantly?
How can he tell me to do one thing, and then turn around and tell me to do the complete opposite the next?
Hold me close.
Don't hold me so much.
I love it when you kiss me.
Lets not kiss in the halls.
I love you.
I hate you.
What do I belive?
How do i find the perfect balance of what he tells me to do?
Should I become perfectly obedient?
Or go over the top no touching?
Or go over the top too much touching?
Is that what I've been doing all along?
Either too much or too little?
Perhaps my only option would be to be as perfect as I can be.
Totally attentive on him, never on other guys.
Not too much kissing in the halls.
Hands above the waist.
Holding hands is good enough. (56% more effective)
But does he know I can't resist him?
Does he know that if i don't hold him forever, I'll surely be on the brink of suicide?
Why must I be so clingy?
Or not at all?
Why can't I fine the middle?
Common ground?
Where I can hold him always, without people in the halls talking.
Why can't people just keep they're comments to themselves?
Who really cares whether i kiss him or not.
I do it out of affection for him.
So why does it seem to him the only reason I hold him closer is so I can make some other guy jealous?
Why can't he see that I need him?
More than anyone else?
I need to hold him.
To feel his beautiful heart beat.
Not to make someone else jealous.
I wouldn't use him like that.
Why does he think I would?
Do I seem like the kind of person who could?
I need to squeese him, feel him, hold him, kiss him every second of the day.
Otherwise, I miss him.
Why does he think there's always someone else I'm after?
Does he think I'm cheating on him?
Every time I hold him tight he seems to see someone else around that I know, that I could possibly be after.
But he doesn't know my past.
So how could he possibly think that my present is the same?
If I ignore him for a second or two while I talk to my mom, he thinks I'm chatting up some other guy.
Why can't he trust me?